When S*&% almost happens: How I didn’t let the runner’s trots beat me this weekend

Today, rather than writing a typical race recap, I am going to address something uncomfortable that many runners experience, but few talk about.

We all know running is hard, and it’s really not very glamorous at all. Your feet get blisters. Sometimes your toenails turn black, or they even fall off. Your quads hurt. Your hamstrings get sore.

And other times? Running can cause gastrointestinal distress … aka the runner’s trots. Yep, sometimes running can make you have to go number two.

I first began to notice this when I was training for my first full marathon in 2015. Suddenly, dairy and I, usually BFFs, were not getting along so well. If I ate Greek yogurt the day before a run that topped 13 or 14 miles, I knew I’d be sprinting at some point — toward the nearest potty, not because my training plan called for it. So now I try to cut back on my dairy intake while marathon training (try being the operative word — I really freaking love dairy.)

However, I’ve never had an issue during a race, until Sunday, when I ran the St. Mary’s 10 Miler.

Let’s start with Saturday night, when I went rogue and decided to order a falafel wrap rather than my tried-and-true veggie burger. (I also had a few beers, but I always drink beer the night before a race, so I know that wasn’t it. Haha!) It was delicious, but it’s never a good idea to mess with pre-race nutrition, especially if that’s what your stomach is used to. I felt fine when I went to bed, and fine when I got up the next morning. I had packed my usual breakfast of a bagel, peanut butter and half a banana to eat, which I chased with black coffee. Typical.

My husband, Micah, drove me to the start line, about 20 minutes away from where we were staying on Solomons Island, and I still felt totally fine. I got my bib, met up with some of my friends and peed in one of the porta potties, but that’s, uh, as far as it went. I was ready for the race to begin and eager to beat my time in the Columbia 10 Miler last week.

The 10-miler kicked off promptly at 8 am and the first thing I noticed was that it was damn windy. Have I mentioned that I am so sick of this Maryland spring, especially all the wind? Most of this race felt like it was directly into a strong headwind and it blew — pun TOTALLY intended! I also stupidly neglected to bring my running sunglasses and had to deal with debris flying into my eyes. Super fun. However, I ran the first five miles at a sub-8 pace (it fluctuated between 7:30-7:50). I was really happy about that, especially because I have a history of struggling in the wind!

It was about midway through the race when I started to realize that I might be having another, bigger, messier problem.

“Oh, crap,” I thought to myself. Literally.

And there weren’t any porta potties along the race course — it was a really small race. Of course, I knew if I could make it to the finish line, I’d be OK, but that was miles away. I pretty much had no choice but to keep on running.

At mile 7, the course (which is very pretty, by the way — I was trying to enjoy it despite my stomach issues) veered off into a wooded area. I contemplated squatting behind a tree, but knew that would be gross. At around mile 8, we passed some houses. “How weird would it be if I knocked on someone’s door and just begged them to let me use their bathroom?” I thought to myself. “Would they call the police?”

Probably — but more importantly, I was also keeping a close eye on my watch and knew that if I kept on trucking, I would cross the finish line in under 1:20 and meet my goal. So I clenched my cheeks together and ran as fast as I could (my pace crept up into the 8s, but that’ll happen when you’re mainly focused on not pooping your pants…..)

About a half mile from the finish, I could hear Rip It owner Danny announcing the names of finishers and I knew I was really close. I gave it all I had and ran as hard as I could and finished in 1:19:45. My 5 Peaks friend Tammy medaled me and I hugged her, then high-fived the always super fast Matt (who finished in a speedy 1:10!!) Then I bolted toward the porta potties.

After all that, I actually managed to finish as the third overall female! Pretty happy about that. Last year, this race was a half marathon, and I finished third then, too!

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Kree also ran the race and I knew she would get a kick out of my issues. When she finished, I told her I had a bad case of the runner’s trots and spent the last few miles trying not to have an accident.

She completely got it.

“And it’s not like you can fart in those situations, either! I mean, you’re already all sweaty, so you won’t even be able to tell if you shart,” she said.

As they say … S*&% happens. Or in my case, it almost happened!

As a Rip It Events ambassador, I ran this race for free. Opinions are entirely my own! A full list of 2018 Rip It events can be found here.

 

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